Ever Wonder?

I’m pretty sure that you’ve seen this in an email before…

1. Only in America ……can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America ……are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America ……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America ……do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America ……do banks leave both doors wide open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America ……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America ……do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America ……do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America ……do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures ‘.

10. Only in America ……do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

You’ve probably seen this in an email before too…

EVER WONDER????

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can’t put mascara on with their mouths closed? ( I can!!)

Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on “Start”?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons? (Drink Dishsoap!!)

Why is the man who invests in all of your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes…
Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called “apartments” when they are all stuck together?

If “con” is the opposite of “pro”, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

And this…

On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (and that would be how??…)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” [[But its just a SUGGESTION]]

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): “Do not turn upside down.” [[hm a no go on the dessert]]

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating.” [[Really I thought it would be cold]]

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.” [[oh man i was going to]]

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine:”Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”  [[That would really bring down the number of construction accidents by keeping those 5 year olds off  of those forklifts]]

On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (and… I’m taking this because???….)

On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.” [[well where else would I use them?...]]

On Sunsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts.” [[whoa, news flash!]]

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” [[wow musta taken a genius to write this one]]

On a Swedish chainsaw:”Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.”[[thanks for the tip]]